“The best smell in the world is that man that you love.”
He stayed at his girlfriend’s the previous night.
He had been courting her for three months when she unexpectedly invited him into her bed.
In his mind, they would consummate their connection on the following Saturday night after a long romantic dinner.
The wine would be red and easy on the palate.
The food would be rich and flavoursome.
The candlelight would reflect in their eyes, and the music would be soft and unobtrusive. The desert wine would come from McLaren Vale and top the evening off perfectly.
They would walk along the river, hand in hand, anticipating the delights to come but ………………………….. it didn’t happen that way ………. it was mid-week, and they met for pizza from Ginos.
The wine was red, and a touch on the rough side but Gino was generous and constantly refilled their glass.
Fortunately, they had walked to the Trattoria, and they walked back, somewhat unsteadily, to her place.
He had been a gentleman and was waiting for the right time to bed her.
He didn’t want to spoil what he saw as a perfect chance at happiness.
She, on the other hand, was getting impatient.
She was enjoying their mutual pleasure sessions, but she really wanted him to make love to her, ‘all the way’ as the oldies used to say back in those old movies from the 60s.
Entering her flat required a journey past her bedroom.
The door was usually open, the bed was always made, and he often looked longingly in its direction.
On this occasion, she pushed his unsteady frame into her bedroom, and he collapsed on her bed.
She had her evil way with him; several times, at a variety of angles and altitudes.
Lying, exhausted in the early morning light, he realised that this was not going to be the most romantic story to tell his child assuming his new partner became pregnant that night.
It was an unusual thought, but this had been an unusual night.
After a few hours of lying in the soft morning light, he showered and dressed.
He knew that his work colleagues would wind him up for wearing the same clothes two days in a row, but he did not mind a bit of friendly teasing……….. she was worth it, and besides, it was going to enhance his reputation with the blokes.
He cleaned his teeth with her toothpaste and his finger, but her deodorant was a bit too girly so he would wait until he got to work, where he had an emergency deodorant nestled in his locker.
His plan hit a speed bump when, after kissing his newly found loved-one goodbye, he arrived at work to the memory of Bill Sykes borrowing his emergency underarm protection.
Bill NEVER returned anything!
He believed that the shower afforded him about two hours or so of protection, but he was badly mistaken.
Some bozo had set the climate control to one click below ‘hell’, and his body odour was increasing by the minute.
He was going to have to ask someone to borrow their deodorant or duck out and buy some, but there was one more customer to serve before the problem could be solved.
The lady pointed at a ‘hands-free kit’, and he knew that it was already too late.
The look on her face told him that drastic action was required.
The sale was lost but the day would not be a complete disaster if only he could make it to the discount Chemist around the corner.
The story inspired by a faithful reader of this blog…… thank you.